just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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