the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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