During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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