Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
