sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
