Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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