I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
