Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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