i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
