I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
