fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
