is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
