I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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