My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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