apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
