I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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