Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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