One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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