he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
