apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
