i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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