He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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