Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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