is your mom at the bar?
barbara walters just said penis...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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