you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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