I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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