The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize