Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
