glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
