i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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