Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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