he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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