I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize