i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
