i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
