Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
