went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I love having hate sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
