Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
