oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
