there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
