the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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