Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
