Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
