I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
