I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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