I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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