chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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