My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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