I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
