she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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