My hand turned me down
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
