Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
