And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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