I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
