Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
