Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize