you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
