So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
