Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
