I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We have started to decorate penises.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize