i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
