do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize