for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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