Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm like, not good at living.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
