im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
