Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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