I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
