and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize