I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
