i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
