i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
