READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
