o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
