Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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