he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
