I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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